if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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