I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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