I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
