i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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