how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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