remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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