her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have already put on my inside pants.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
