We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
