I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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