"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
