im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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