Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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