It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize