Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I need to stop coming to work sober
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize