My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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