So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
