May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
