Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
