Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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