I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
