we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
