I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize