she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize