no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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