i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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