apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
