i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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