I'm so fucking centered right now
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
