Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
