Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
