..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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