He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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