I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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