I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
