were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize