A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
