Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
