nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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