why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
