Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize