We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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