I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
