remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
