i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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