nut hugger
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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