Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
