bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
