I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
