do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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