listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
