Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
