Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
