you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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