i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
