i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
