Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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