He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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