The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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