you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I smell stomach acid.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
