he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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