no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
