Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
And then he peed in my hair
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
