She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
