I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
