My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
