'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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