you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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