You smell like stripper and shame
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
