im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
