I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
