So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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