Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
