I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
