You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We are two peas in an std pod
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
