Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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