Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
