i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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